Visions of Destiny (Complete Series) Page 21

  His lips pursed to kiss her finger. “Is it a bad thing?” he asked softly. “You sound so mournful suddenly.”

  “Not a bad thing, but…” she sighed. “Alex… we can’t keep doing this.”

  He pressed a finger to her lips and raised himself up on his elbow to look at her. “Please,” he whispered, softening the word with a tense smile. “I know what you’re going to say. Let’s not…” He lay down again, rolling onto his back to look up at the ceiling. “Not tonight. This is too nice a moment to break.”

  His voice was almost pleading as he finished and Cathleen’s resolve wavered, as it so often did when she was with Alex. “All right,” she murmured. “Stay. Just for a little while.” She slid closer to him and he wove an arm around her waist to hold her tenderly. Curled up against him, she closed her eyes, intending to bask in the moment. She never realized she was falling asleep.

  She was alone when she woke up. She had expected as much, but the white rose on the pillow next to her was still a lovely surprise. Smiling, she picked it up and brushed the soft petals against her lips. Alex’s mouth had been softer.

  She lay in bed a little longer, remembering the night, remembering Alex—and trying to remind herself why being with him was such a bad idea.

  If only she had known when they had first met that he was Ethan’s friend. If only she had realized how much younger he was. If only she hadn’t started falling for him before she had realized they were wrong for each other twice over.

  If only.

  The wedding was to take place in the afternoon, and with no duties other than to be ready when it was time to accompany Ethan to the altar, Cathleen’s time was free.

  She took a long bath, relishing the heat of the water as she had enjoyed the warmth of Alex’s arms. It was past noon when she finally went down for lunch. She looked around the dining room as she entered, recognizing a few of Ethan’s friends but none she knew well enough to feel comfortable sitting with. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that Alex wasn’t there.

  She let the hostess guide her to a small table in the back of the room and ordered a light meal. As the waitress walked away after serving Cathleen a glass of iced tea, Daisy came to her table.

  “It is you!” she exclaimed, and sat across from Cathleen. “I wasn’t sure when you first walked in. How are you? Excited?”

  “It’s not my wedding, but yes, very,” Cathleen admitted with a sheepish grin. “Where’s the hubby?” she asked, gaze sweeping the room then turning a questioning look on Daisy.

  “We just finished. I thought I’d see if it was you and he stepped out to call the kids and check that they didn’t burn down the house yet.”

  Cathleen laughed quietly. She remembered those days, and how she had driven Ethan insane with too many calls to check on him.

  Daisy looked at her for a while, eyes piercing, and as much as Cathleen wished she could have hidden, she knew it was useless to even try.

  “You still haven’t told him,” Daisy said at last, and she sounded halfway between sad and reproachful. “I thought you had decided to get it out in the open.”

  Cathleen had thought as much too, the last time she had confided in Daisy. But days had passed and Cathleen had never found the right moment. And now she wasn’t sure that she ought to do it at all.

  “It’s his wedding day,” she said, shifting on her seat. “He’s got too many things on his mind. He doesn’t need to hear that kind of stuff. Not now. Or even not at all.”

  “Cathleen…” Daisy reached over the table and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. The gesture captured Cathleen’s attention for Daisy was usually not one to initiate physical contact, even as insignificant as this. “He just wants you to be happy. If—”

  “And I want the same thing for him,” Cathleen interrupted her, gently but firmly. “Please, don’t make me regret telling you.”

  Daisy sighed quietly then nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you. I just really believe that he would understand if you told him.”

  Cathleen didn’t know how to answer. Daisy had told her the same thing before, had tried to convince her, and at times Cathleen could almost see eye to eye with her. And then…

  And then Ethan would walk in, like he was doing now, and guilt would sweep over Cathleen. The last thing she ever wanted was to damage their relationship in any way. He approached their table and Daisy stood and turned to him. She touched his arm lightly and offered anticipated congratulations. Cathleen heard little of what either of them said. Her entire mind was still on Daisy’s words, and why it would be a terrible idea to follow her advice.

  She jumped, startled, when Ethan leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek.

  “Mom?” he said, sounding a little concerned as he took the seat Daisy had vacated. “Are you all right?”

  She gave him an apologetic smile and reached over the table to pat his hand lightly. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I was thinking about something Daisy said. How are you, honey? Nervous?”

  “No. I thought I would be, but I’m not.” His face split up on a beaming smile. “I love her. I really do.”

  Cathleen couldn’t help but smile back in the face of his joy. She had never wanted anything more than for him to be this happy, and to see him now warmed her heart.

  Sipping on her iced tea, she watched him order from the waitress. It felt like yesterday that they had sat at the kitchen table every morning, eating quick breakfasts before school for him, work for her. It was at one such breakfast, during a Christmas break from college, that he had told her he had met a girl. The girl. And Cathleen wondered now what she had wondered even then.

  “How did you know she’s the one?”

  He laughed, and it was sheer happiness she could see in his eyes, hear in his laugh. As the years had passed she had realized what a wonderful, well-adjusted young man Ethan was becoming, and she could only be thankful that she had been allowed to help him turn into the man he was now.

  “Didn’t we have that same talk a few years ago?” he asked, teasing. “Except I was the one asking, back then. Do you remember what you said?”

  Cathleen did but she shook her head, just to hear him say it.

  His smile softened and he squeezed her hand. “I just knew,” he said softly, “Just like you said I would.”

  Cathleen’s eyes prickled and for a moment everything blurred. Ethan was a teenager in front of her again, embarrassed to talk to his mother about his crush on a girl at school. Cathleen was torn between the pride that he trusted her enough to talk to her and the fear that she wouldn’t tell him what he needed to hear, messing everything up. She had been so afraid that she would do something wrong as he was growing up, so anxious to be the best mother she could. To hear now that she had found the right words meant the world to her.

  When her vision cleared again, the waitress had set down their plates. They both took a few bites before he asked, “Mom? Is there something you want to tell me?”

  The question took Cathleen by surprise. She set her fork down and picked up her napkin. Had Alex told him? Had he let something slip? Maybe it had been Daisy—but no, both of them had promised not to tell Ethan. Maybe Cathleen had been less discreet than she had hoped. Maybe…

  She coughed into her napkin before letting out a strangled, “What?”

  Ethan leaned closer over the table. “Mom… Have you met someone?”

  Cathleen’s chuckle sounded weak and forced. “Why would you think—”

  “You’ve been so distracted lately,” Ethan cut in gently. He rested his arms on the table in front of him and peered at her. “And there’s this…look. In your eyes. You’ve been smiling more too.”

  Cathleen struggled not to look away or pluck nervously at the tablecloth. It would only have confirmed his suspicions. Instead she tried to keep looking straight at him, as though sh
e had had nothing to hide.

  “Since when do you pay attention to any of that?”

  Ethan shook his head. His dark eyes were sparkling. “Give me a little credit, Mom. I’ve been waiting for years to see you happy.”

  She smiled at hearing him echo her thoughts and reached across the table to cover his hand with hers. “I am happy,” she said, willing him to believe it was nothing short of the truth. “You are the most wonderful son any parent could wish to have.”

  Ethan picked up her hand and held it between both of his. Hers looked so pale against the dark honey of his skin, so small against his long fingers. Not so long ago, it had been his hands that had been small within hers.

  “And you,” he said quietly, “are the most wonderful mother I could have dreamed of finding. And that’s why I want you as happy as you can be.”

  Again Cathleen wanted to tell him that she was happy, that she had been happier than she could even explain from the day he had started calling her ‘mom.’ But before she could figure out where to start, he squeezed her hand again and asked, “How many dates did you refuse so you could come to my plays or games? How many guys took three steps back when you said ‘adoptive son?’ Or when they took a look at my picture?”

  Too many was the answer but Cathleen refused to say it. The truth was that she would have wanted to find someone who could have loved her and been a good masculine presence in Ethan’s life. After too much bad luck she had given up on finding that particular gem and decided she would raise him alone to the best of her abilities. She liked to think she hadn’t done a too bad job.

  “It didn’t matter,” she said quietly. “If the choice was you or anyone else, it’d always be you. It was you since the moment I adopted you. It will always be you.”

  Ethan shook his head and smiled. “But you don’t have to choose, Mom. I’ll still be your son even if you have a boyfriend. It’s not an ‘either-or’ thing.”

  Tears were clouding Cathleen’s vision. She tried hard to push them away but finally had to wipe the corners of her eyes with her napkin. “I know,” she whispered, her voice shaking so much that she had to say it again. “I know.”

  “So why won’t you introduce him to me?” he asked, gently enough that the words sounded pleading rather than accusing. But in Cathleen’s imagination, it was always accusations and recriminations taking form when she thought of telling Ethan about Alex.

  Her stomach roiling with fear, she dabbed at her mouth with her napkin and pushed the barely touched plate away. “I don’t think you would approve.”

  Her reply seemed to puzzle him and he cocked his head to one side, asking, “Why wouldn’t I?”

  She tried to explain, but couldn’t find her words; in the end she resorted to simply shaking her head.

  “Does he treat you well?” he asked, frowning slightly.

  This Cathleen could answer, and was happy to do so although her voice croaked a little. “He treats me wonderfully.”

  “Does he make you happy?” he insisted. “Not just plain happy but chocolate fudge and whipped cream happy?”

  Her throat was now so tight that she couldn’t say another word. Even her bark of nervous laughter came out breathless, so she simply nodded again.

  “Then that’s all that matters,” Ethan said firmly.

  That was what Daisy had told her. And what Alex had said too. Yet even coming from Ethan’s mouth, it still sounded like wishful thinking; too good to be true. But Cathleen wanted so much to believe him…

  “Promise?” she whispered, holding her hand out to him again.

  Ethan picked it up and brought her fingers up to press a kiss to her knuckles. “I promise.”

  He lowered her hand again but didn’t let go of it. His gaze remained on her, questioning but patient. Cathleen would have liked nothing more than to be able to finally tell him, get her secret off her chest and breathe better again. But the only thought going through her mind was that this was his wedding day. In just hours, he would be standing in front of Isabel and all their friends, his best friend at his back. Cathleen would never forgive herself if she spoiled that special moment with an untimely revelation.

  She was saved by the return of the waitress. Ethan released her hand and the moment slipped away.

  Half an hour later, when they left the table, Cathleen couldn’t have said what they had talked about, why Ethan was still chuckling, or why she was smiling. The only thing she was certain of was that Alex hadn’t come up in the conversation in any way. She took Ethan’s arm as they left the restaurant and they went to the elevator together.

  “Will you do my tie?” Ethan asked as they waited for the doors to open.

  Cathleen laughed. “Just this last time,” she said, squeezing his arm gently. “And then it’ll be Isabel’s job.”

  The elevator took them to their respective levels. Ethan stepped out two floors before Cathleen, with her promise that she would come to him a little before five to do his tie and accompany him down to the beach for the ceremony. He wouldn’t return to that room afterwards; the honeymoon suite was on the last floor.

  Cathleen had more than enough time to get ready but she started right away, washing her hair and carefully setting it up in curls with a curling iron. Her make up was next and she kept it to a minimum. She always cried at weddings and she was sure that it would only be worse this time since it was her son getting married.

  Instead of a dress, she had opted to wear a skirt that fell just past her knees and a silk blouse, both in shades of beige, with a light jacket in case the temperature cooled as night fell. The corsage flower that all members of the bridal party were to wear had been delivered to her room. She fastened it to her jacket: a simple red rose with a few sprigs of baby’s breath.

  Even though she had taken her time, she found she still had almost an hour to wait. She sat down and turned on the television, not caring what was on but simply wanting to keep her mind off Alex as she had managed to do so far.

  At twenty minutes before five, she slipped on her shoes, golden sandals with almost flat heels that would allow her to walk in the sand without tripping over her own feet.

  The day she had bought them, Alex had sent her a text message to ask where she was, and when she had told him, he had joined her at the store with a cup of her favorite latte. At first the saleslady had clearly believed that he was Cathleen’s son and had made some less than subtle moves in his direction.

  When the saleslady had stepped away to get a different size of sandals for Cathleen to try, Alex had leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell me you enjoy seeing her hit on me like that.”

  “Of course not. But—”

  “It’s not like anyone here knows either of us.”

  He had been right of course, and Cathleen had known it would have taken little more than to kiss him, or hold his hand, or to merely sit a little closer to him to stop the unrequited flirting. And still she hadn’t been able to let any of that happen. She had bought the golden sandals even though she didn’t love them just so they could leave the store faster.

  Even now, weeks later, that latte still tasted as bitter in her memory as her own cowardice.

  Pushing the thought out of her mind she went down to Ethan’s room. She knocked and her heart skipped a beat or two when the door opened to reveal not her son, but Alex.

  His smile was maybe a little warmer than it ought to have been but no one but she could have seen it.

  “Hello Cathleen. He’s been waiting for you.” He dropped his voice to a whisper and added, “You look beautiful.”

  With memories of the previous night fleeting through her mind, she had to purposefully tear her eyes from Alex’s warm gaze and go to Ethan.

  “Waiting for me?” she repeated, smiling when she saw how nervous Ethan now looked. “And I thought I was early. It won’t take that long to knot that tie, y
ou know.”

  Ethan shrugged, a half grin fluttering on his lips. The last time she had seen him in a tuxedo had been for his high school prom. Then he had looked to her like he had borrowed clothes from an older brother, standing awkwardly and pulling incessantly at his tie to loosen it. Now…now he looked just as nervous but he also looked like the grown man he was, and while Cathleen had promised herself she wouldn’t cry, she could feel tears rising to her eyes.

  “Aww, don’t cry now,” Alex said. His hand rested on her shoulder for a fleeting second, and he held out a box of tissues toward her. “You haven’t even heard his vows yet!”

  She took a tissue and smiled as she dabbed at her eyes. “You didn’t tell me you were writing your own vows,” she told Ethan, mildly reproachful.

  “Because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish writing them. Will you do my tie now? I don’t want to be late.”

  A chuckle rose to her lips, echoed by Alex.

  “He’s been ready to leave for an hour and half,” Alex said. “I don’t think we’ll be able to stall him much longer.”

  “Fine.” Cathleen disposed of the tissues and approached Ethan. Her hands were shaking when she took hold of the ends of the bow tie resting on his shoulders. “Raise your head and tell me if it’s too tight.”

  She hadn’t knotted a bow tie in years but her fingers took over from her mind and looped and tugged the fabric as though she did so every day. When she stepped back to look at him, tears rose up again. Ethan’s eyes were gleaming as well and he opened his arms to her. They hugged until Alex cleared his throat behind them.

  “All right, now we need to leave or we will be late.”

  Pulling away with a quiet sigh, Cathleen accepted another tissue from Alex. He brushed his fingers against her hand, but she tried not to let it affect her. She had better hang on to this tissue, she decided. Ethan took her arm and they led the way out, but Cathleen was hyperaware of Alex’s presence, a mere step behind them. The three of them took the elevator to the lobby and stepped out to the beach together. Rows of white chairs, each with a single red rose tied to the back, were lined up in the sand on either side of an aisle strewn with red rose petals. Most of the guests were already in their seats, quiet chatter barely covering the rumbling of the surf. The minister waited at the end of the aisle in front of a canopy made of white tulle that flowed gently in the wind, clusters of red roses holding the panels together.